Random Days of Hellsing
by ShadowedSword21
Summary: The Random days of Hellsing. Rated T for middle swearing and gore. Although I'll try to cut down the gore as much as possible...Alucard's a hard character to work with in that.
1. Indigestion

Indigestion

Alucard groaned as his stomach grumbled and churned. His hellhound whimpered in the back of his head. He immediately summoned in and it sprouted out of his shoulder and threw up a highly mangled body of what looked to be Luke Valentine.

"Ah, no wonder my hellhounds had indigestion. They ate you." Alucard commented as his hound ate Luke again.

"Master, don't play with your food! Your hellhounds don't like it! It makes them sick as well!" Seras called from upstairs.

"Well, Luke Valentine for dinner doesn't agree with them either. So what do you suppose I do?" Alucard snapped in Seras head.

"Make him throw it back up. You know what garbage does to their systems. After that, ask Integra for permission to go to the city for some steaks and feed those to your hellhounds. That should clean them up." Seras replied.

"You're annoying, you tell me not to play with my food when you don't even eat it!" Alucard barked.

"So?"

Alucard grumbled something unintelligible and chocked his hellhound into spitting up a now, burning Luke Valentine. Then he pulled out a chain saw and processed to saw away at Luke's body and cutting it into nice, precise stripes of meat and feeding them to his hounds. As he finished, he noticed the huge blood stained carpet beneath his feet. And that his dog threw up the steaks, again.

"…Damit."


	2. Pranks

Pranks

"Master, help me!" Seras screeched as she banged on her coffin.

"Now why in the world would I do that when I nailed your coffin shut." His voice drifted into Sera's mind.

"Oh, no you didn't." She snapped and pulled out a pistol from under her head.

She shot out a hole and pushed her shadow arm through and switched it to a large scythe and carved the door out and kicked it off and it a figure sitting on her desk. She growled and grabbed his shirt and rested her blade at his neck.

"I don't think that's wise draculina." He said.

"Like hell it isn't" She snapped and cut off his head, as soon as she did, a huge hellhound leaped out of his neck and tackled her.

"I told you it wasn't wise," His voice drifted into her thoughts as she ran down the hall with the beast at her heels.

Pip ( yeah, I brought him back for fun) was leaning against the wall as Seras raced by. He paused, shrugged and lit a cigar and puffed on it as the hell hound ran by. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. In return, the hell hound took his cigar.

It ran off and he cursed before running after it, yelling "Come on Alucard! That was one Integra gave me! Seriously, this ain't funny!"

Alucard smiled as he strolled into the boiler room and took out a large vial of garlic, red food coloring, a fake eyeball, and opened the hatch to the water. He smiled and threw them into the boiling water. They bobbed around as the vial bled red into the water supply.

He knew they got a set of new recruits and besides to terrorize them. Then again, he might get shot and picking bullets out of his hellhounds wasn't any fun. Oh well.

He smiled as he walked to a window and watched a dozen lean, fast and huge hellhound materialize in the courtyard, right behind a set of recruits. He laughed as the recruits scattered and shot his hounds. He smirked as one of them licked a recruit repeatedly and another came running in with a pair of glasses, Integra stormed after it.

"Alucard, stop this madness! You've got seven hellhounds sleeping in my office, a dozen chasing recruits, Seras running from Baskerville, and to top it off, that one has my glasses, the doors on every other door are missing, my desk is hung like a chandelier in the dining room, Walters being whipped by one of yourselves and Pip's shooting the place up screaming for his cigar back, which you took!" Integra snapped.

"And?" Alucard said, as if nothing was a problem and pulled out Pip's cigar.

Integra growled, a vein popping out of her head, before yelling, " GIVE ME BACK MY GLASSES!


End file.
